THE MONSTER BOOKS
MONSTER was never a name you heard in small town coastal Massachusetts, not until THE Monster was born fully grown to just keep growing through his small but crazy world.
MONSTER & THE DOPE FORT introduces larger-than-life teen Monster through his high school life, building a fort so dope it becomes a 1990's speakeasy for prep schools kids from all over America and the world.
MONSTER V. THE MAN shows Monster's life thrown into turmoil as he goes to college out west and becomes a doped-out criminal on a wild chase across the country to clear his name and set the record straight before the law catches up with him.
MONSTER & THE PARTY HOSTEL shows Monster breaking out of his shell, flying to the other side of the world, and becoming part of a global culture that brings him everything he's seeking. Finally he can find the life he wants as the party person-in-chief... if he can survive the war between the angry neighbors and the crazy owner of the crazy hostel.
THE MONSTER BOOKS, a dope upmarket series that keeps everyone reading, laughing, thinking, and letting out that little Monster we all have in us.
ON JANUARY 1, 1981, MONSTER busted out of his first prison—his mother’s womb—like a bird from an egg.
Here’s Monster’s origin story in exactly a hundred words:
Monster’s mother loved a good rager at Martha Stewart’s. When her C-section date came up, she delayed her son’s birth for a party, and then kept putting it off. He was left in her so long he learned to spell words like 'infuriatingly'. You’ve heard of preemies? Monster, the gargantuan bearded child, was the first postie birth in history. When he finally broke himself out, the giant baby was measured in feet tall, not inches long. It was a magical event for the medical community to behold their first post-pubescent birth. Yet, infuriatingly, everyone still treated him like a kid.
Done with the beginning.
Was that so hard?
Now for the middle.
Monster’s got zits before anyone in elementary school’s ever even heard of them. All the kids think it’s a rare and horrible disease.
On top of that, he’s over six feet tall by the end of sixth grade, over two hundred pounds lean, and has to duck through every doorway. He can palm a basketball, too… not that he’s coordinated enough to do anything with that superpower.
Soon, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts declares he is only allowed to use plastic cups cuz his arms are different lengths every time he reaches for a drink and he just breaks too damn much glass for the Big Dig-swamped economy to handle.
Now, it’s the first day of summer, 1995, and six-foot-four Monster’s been telling people he’s in high school since the minute JHS got out.
Technically, it’s accurate for him to think of himself as a high schooler… if you’re a huge optimist like Monster.
Two years of public high school later, crushing heads in football all the time, he gets accepted into prep school. It might be his way of having a future, but only if he gets the last available scholarship.
Sure, for someone named Monster, maybe prep school’s not the dopest thing in the world.
Maybe someone named Monster should be out chasing deer or howling at the moon, join his sasquatch kin once and for all.
But he’s convinced ...
Monster & the Dope Fort
CHAPTER ONE
... TO BEGIN READING THE MONSTER BOOKS,
BUY MONSTER & THE DOPE FORT TODAY!
