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SPACE FARCE!

SPACE FARCE! For your daily dose of multiple universes, simulated worlds, cosmic waves, thought-provoking paradoxes, and a new twist on time travel theory...

A grumpy Martian, a rebel alien, a pink-haired skeptic (with her pretty good sidekick), and a Schrodinger’s Cat team up to escape Earth after causing a car pileup so bad it crashes the whole planet. If they don’t work together to end the end of all things, everything will end.

Causing interplanetary war between Earth and Mars by mistake, our heroes stow away on the Starship AsterRisk on a perilous romp across space to find the center of the universe. Will the superdupermassive black hole swallow all of spacetime before they can do something to save it?

More than a joke-packed jaunt around the galaxy, SPACE FARCE! asks us to consider what the ultimate fate of the universe could be, and how a diverse group of friends can work together to save it.

 

CHAPTER ONE

ONE DAY, IN THE ENDLESS NIGHT OF SPACE, an alien broke and entered a secret door and triggered a chain of events altering the fate of the universe in a mindblowingly fun and zazzy way.

            She was just a regular curious alien, with no ill intent in her heart, innocently picking the lock of one of the most secure doors on the planet.

            Wait, wait, full disclosure, here.

            The alien, or what humans consider to be an alien although to her she was just a person, did not actually have a heart with ventricles and so on and so forth. But she did have a heart in the sense she was a caring person, so let’s leave it at that.

            Anyway... she was just trying to break the glass fourth wall of her existence, even to probe her way through it to get to the other side, when she burst into the most revered secret hangout for elite space explorers of Planet Titi.

            She was looking for a clue, anything to decipher the conspiracy theory saying her life of traveling the universe had been just a simulation.

            She had to find out why it seemed like she was being brainwashed... not that she had a brain like you’d think of one with yucky gray matter and all that neuroplasticity stuff, but she did have a brain in the sense she was a thinking person. And not washed in the sense her sorta-brain got all soapy and frothy... well, you get it.

            She came in search of truth, only to see the truth was a lot truthier than she ever dreamed it could be.

            The Discoverer’s Lounge was not what she’d expected.

            It was not a plush library with ample seating and lighting just right for the fleshy relaxings of explorers lazing before hazy fireplaces regaling all with tall tales til the light of dawn spilled gently upon their unfurled maps and empty crystal snifters.

            No, not at all.

            The Discoverer’s Lounge was a spaceport hangar with hi-tech tools, racks of technology, very few fireplaces, and a magnificent spaceship.

            ‘Ooh!’

            She gazed up at the gorgeous, shiny flying saucer emblazoned with the emblem of a discoverer, a silhouetted figure proudly holding a doo-hickey before his face.

            She could see such a doo-hickey on the dash panel of the ship, so she climbed up into the ship, sitting in the cockpit to admire it in its native place, the sacred Charging Station.

            The square-faced gun-shaped replicator doo-hickey woke up, emitting a faint bluish glow on the fanny pack hanging beside it.

            Oh, the holy fanny pack, intended only for the discoverers, only for the little green Fleon men. Well, she wasn’t a little green man. But did that mean she could not wear the fanny pack as well?

            There wasn’t time to think of gender politics.

            With alien flashbombs that were really just regular flashbombs to her, security aliens came banging and crashing through the door.

            Locking herself into the captain’s seat, sealing the spaceship, and pressing the obvious spaceship launch sequence buttons, she had no time to think of what would happen to her if she did what she was about to do.

            If she did what she was about to do, she could change the Known Universe as we know it.

            Before she could make any decision at all ...

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